Dilemma| Hilarious Jokes

A friend of mine called me over the phone after a long break. After exchanging a few good lines about how were we doing, he asked: Sam, can we have kids after 40?

I pondered for a while, and answered: Depends Rob, but why would you want so many kids? Aren't you happy with 40 kids as of now?

[English Jokes, Internet Humor] 

At a Classroom

Teacher: hi all, please introduce 

with your

name and hobbies!

..

1st boy : My name is

Raju and my hobby is

watching moon

..

2nd boy : my name is

Vikash and my hobby is

watching moon.

..

3rd boy: my name is

Jasminder & my hobby is

watching moon

.

.

So, all boys in the class 

told different names but

their hobby was

the same

TEACHER : Very good, all boys

have the same hobby

now its girls' turn, come on...

.

.

1st girl :  Hello Sir! My name is

Moon.

Smart Kid

One sunny day a young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” 

The barber puts a hundred rupees note in one hand and two ten rupees notes in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which one do you want, boy?” 

The boy takes the two 10 rupee noted and leaves. 

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” 

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of an ice cream store. “Hey, dear! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the two ten rupee notes instead of the 100 rupees?” 

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the 100 bucks, the game will be over!

Can you answer this?

Science says, by boiling water the germs in the water are killed!
but science does not know that by boiling water the dead germs remain in the water and are consumed by us!

Perfect Husband Definition

Who is the perfect husband? 

**One who can keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open! 

Engagement, wedding etc

What kind of rings do men need to get married?

1: Engagement Ring 
2: Wedding Ring 
3: Suffe-Ring 
4: Endu-Ring 

Sam the Tourist Guide

One day, Sam was driving on a jeep in a deep jungle.
Tourist: Imagine! If a lion comes close to us now, how will we escape?
Sam: Very simple Sir, we'll give right indicator & turn left. 

Mind vs the body

Mind vs the body

Your Mind wants to work out, but your Body doesn't! 

Train Passenger Trolled

At Patna Railway Station:

Passenger: Hi, is this my train?
Station Master: No sir! It belongs to the Railway Company.
Passenger: Don’t try to be funny! I mean to ask if I can take this train to Mumbai?
Station Master: No Sir!  I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

Pure Accident

The angry mom asked Brian: “Brian, why on earth did you kick your younger brother in the stomach?"
Brian replied with a cute face, “It was pure accident, mom, I am not at fault. He turned around at the last minute.” :)

It should be a "Fair Play"

The man in the barber chair signaled with his finger- 'Have you got another razor?' he whispered.

'Of course, yes! sir,' said the barber. 'But may I ask you why?'

'I'd like to defend myself,' said the customer.

I am Hungry MEME

I am Hungry MEME

You are a BUDHU

You know what? You are a B.U.D.H.U.
B. Because
U. You
D. Don't understand
H. How important
U. U are to me

Hilarious

Poop Joke

Cold

What can you catch but not throw?


A cold.

Kids at a doctor...

Two kids were waiting in The Doctor’s Waiting Room.
Suddenly, the Little Girl Started Crying.
So, the little Boy Asked Her- “Why Are You Crying?”
The Girl Said: “I’m Here For my blood test And The Doctor Is Going To Cut My Finger”
Then the Little Boy Too Started Crying.
Girl: “Now Why Are You Crying?”
Boy: “I’m Here For The Urine Test"

Taunt

Try this rhyme on your Man: - 

Roses are red, violets are blue
Monkeys like you, should be kept in Zoo

Deal

Once, A Man Gifted His Sexy Wife A Nice Diamond Necklace in Their Tenth Anniversary...

And His Wife Didn’t Speak To Him For Next 6 Months...

Do you KnowWhy?
That Was The Deal.

Talented Salesman

The First Guy Who Convinced The First Blind Man that He Really Needed A pair of sexy Sunglasses Must Have Been One Hell Of A Salesman ? Salute To Him :-)

How to buzz off a guy........

Stranger: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Stranger: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the money, I got bills to pay! 

Middle Finger insult

Mid finger

When To say Goodbye

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it

A Perfect Marriage

A PERFECT marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. :)

That's our Adele: Quote

ADELE: Quote

Funny One Liners

Canadian Humor

Q: Can you tell, what are the 2 seasons in Canada? 
A: WINTER AND JULY! 

Q: Why aren't there any Mexicans in Canada? 
A: Because they can't run that far. 

Phone call summaries

Phone Call summary:-

Boy to boy!
00:00:59
Boy to mom!
00:00:50
Boy to dad!
00:00:30
Boy to girl!
02:23:59
Girl to girl!
05:29:59
Wife to Husband:
.
.
.
.
.
.
Not Responding…

When a Women Loves you...

When a woman loves you, you are a husband
When a few women love you, you are a man
When many women love you, you are a lover
When hundreds of women love you, you are an idol
When thousands of women love you, you are a leader

But,
When all the women in the world love you, you are not human… 
You must be diamond, gold, a rupee, a dollar, a euro, or a yen..

An Egg Story

A Punjabi and a Bengali Babu lived next door to each other.
The Punjabi owned a hen and each morning he would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Bengali Babu's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Bengali Babu pick up the egg.
The Punjabi ran up to the Bengali Babu and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

The Bengali Babu disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Punjabi said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the testicles and time how long it takes for you to get back up. Then you kick me in the testicles and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Bengali Babu agreed to this and so the Punjabi put on the heaviest pair of boots he could find. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Bengali Babu and kicked him as hard as he could in the testicles.
The Bengali Babu fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Bengali Babu stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Punjabi smiled and said, "You can keep the egg!!"

Punishing the Husband

“Cash, check or card?” I asked, after folding items the woman wanted to buy from my shop. As she looked for her wallet I noticed a remote control to a television set in her purse.

“So, do you always carry the TV remote? Why?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, ” but my husband refused to come shopping with me today, and I thought this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

Poor Guy.... 

I love to walk... because

I love to walk in the rain so that nobody notices that I'm crying... OLD
I love to walk in the fog so that nobody notices that I'm smoking... OLD

I love to walk...
because the Petrol Price is way to High! ... NEW

Son and Mom

6 year old Son: Mother, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Who told you?

Came across this Joke at a friend's party, thought provoking!

A little girl wrote a very tiny letter to God:


Dear God,

How did you know that you were God?
Who told you? Please answer!

Yours,
Tina